🎲 Romance Authors, Pick Your Poison
Nine impossible choices. One rule: you only get ONE.
Dear romance authors,
We have a tiny problem.
You keep writing books filled with impossible choices, emotional torture, devastating yearning, men who make questionable decisions in the name of love, and couples who apparently cannot communicate until approximately 87% into the book.
So we thought it was only fair that you suffer a little too.
Welcome to Romanceaholic: Pick Your Poison.
The rules are painfully simple:
Two choices. You pick one.
No loopholes.
No “it depends on the characters.”
No secretly choosing both because you’re the author and technically control the fictional universe.
We know.
We’re sorry.
(We’re not sorry.)
Ready?
Let’s cause problems. 🖤
1. Your Hero Can Only Say ONE
“Who did this to you?”
OR
🔥 “Touch her and die.”
Choose carefully.
One says tell me who hurt you.
The other says excellent, now give me their address.
2. You Can Only Write ONE Forever
Enemies to lovers
OR
💍 Marriage of convenience
Do you want two people aggressively insisting they hate each other while experiencing a suspicious amount of sexual tension?
Or two people calmly agreeing that this marriage is purely practical approximately five minutes before feelings destroy the entire arrangement?
There is no wrong answer.
There is only suffering.
3. Your Next Hero Must Be…
Morally gray
OR
☀️ Golden retriever
Are we getting the man who would burn down the world for her?
Or the man who would bring her coffee, remember her order, adore her openly, and possibly help rebuild whatever the morally gray guy just burned down?
Pick your man.
4. You Can Only Keep ONE
🔥 The almost-kiss
OR
💋 The first kiss
That agonizing moment when they’re right there…
Breathing the same air.
Looking at each other’s mouths.
One tiny movement away from disaster.
OR
The moment somebody finally stops thinking and KISSES THEM.
Authors, we need an answer.
5. Which Delicious Suffering Survives?
Jealousy
OR
😭 Groveling
Do we want the moment they realize they absolutely cannot handle seeing their person with somebody else?
Or do we want consequences?
Regret.
Desperation.
Possibly a man on his knees realizing he has made a catastrophic romantic error.
Choose your suffering.
6. Your Couple Gets ONE
There’s only one bed
OR
❄️ They’re snowed in together
One bed.
Two people.
An absolutely unreasonable amount of awareness about where everyone is putting their limbs.
OR
A storm.
No escape.
Hours and hours of forced proximity.
Perhaps a fireplace.
Perhaps some unresolved tension.
We don’t make the rules.
Actually, we do.
Choose.
7. Pick Your Weapon
Absolutely lethal banter
OR
💔 Absolutely unbearable yearning
Do you want dialogue sharp enough to qualify as foreplay?
Or seventeen chapters of:
Don’t look at her.
He’s looking at her.
Oh God, he’s still looking at her.
We accept no responsibility for the emotional consequences of your decision.
8. Someone Has to Fall First
She falls first
OR
🖤 He falls first
Somebody has to have that horrible little moment.
The one where they realize:
Oh.
Oh no.
And suddenly every interaction means something completely different.
Who are you emotionally compromising first?
9. But Who Falls HARDER?
💗 Her
OR
🔥 Him
Because falling first is one thing.
Falling hardest?
Different game entirely.
We want the realization.
The devotion.
The there is absolutely no recovering from this person energy.
So tell us, author…
Who’s gone?
💌 AUTHOR, YOUR TURN…
You survived.
Barely.
Now we want your answers.
Tell us your nine choices—and then tell us the ONE question you absolutely REFUSE to choose between.
Because we already know there’s one.
Maybe you’re physically incapable of choosing between banter and yearning.
Maybe taking away either the almost-kiss or first kiss violates your personal beliefs.
Maybe asking you to choose between morally gray and golden retriever heroes has permanently damaged our relationship.
We need to know.
🎲 HOW TO PLAY
Copy your answers, post them, and tag Romanceaholic so we can come see what kind of fictional trouble you’re responsible for.
And if another romance author needs to suffer?
Tag them.
Consider it a loving act of author-on-author violence.
Romance authors: consider this your official invitation to come play with us. 🖤
Bring your books.
Bring your characters.
Bring your questionable fictional men.
We’ll bring the impossible choices.
See you at the next game.
🖤 Romanceaholic
Love stories. Taken seriously.
